so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
