my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
