Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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