im drinking this country out of the recession.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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