last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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