The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
