All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
