My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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