Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
