I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
