I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
