puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
