I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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