the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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