I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
