The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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