It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
