I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
