Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
