you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
