You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
