Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
