If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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