i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
