Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
