Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
