sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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