i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
