You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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