A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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