I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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