He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
