Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
