She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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