atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can I color on your dick again?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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