There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
