I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
