saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
