Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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