I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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