come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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