wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
