i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize