Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
