I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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