3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Holy sore nipples Batman
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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