Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
