There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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