Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
