god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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