I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
