Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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