Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was confusing and full of hummus
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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