Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
