Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
