her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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