So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
