i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
