There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
