How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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