when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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