I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
