Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
