Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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