he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
