My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
