Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
