i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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