His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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