Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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