fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
