Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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