So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
