i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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