I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
