I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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