found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
